My boyfriend and I are both juniors in high school. He really wants to do an adoption because he wants to go to college and go into the military and he thinks the baby will interfere. He is probably right. But it is possible to have a baby and do these things. How I see it is we should have thought about that before we had sex and I got pregnant because now, we have a child and it’s our responsibility. I want to keep the child because either way it will be hard and I would like to raise my child and deal with the difficulties as they come along. I’m the one who has to carry it and give birth to it. I love my baby already. I don’t think I can have it and then give it away. I told him that I didn’t want an adoption and he said I’m being selfish to let it ruin his life and hopes and dreams. I know it will be hard to have a baby at this age but I know that we could do it and still end up successful. I really want to keep my baby and not give it away. I really don’t want this to tear our relationship apart and I don’t want to keep the child and feel like it’s a burden on him. Am I being selfish? What should I do?
you’ll regret it forever if you do it against your will. he’ll either stay or go.
i got pregnant at 17. my husband bf at the time joined the military enlisted and they ae paying for him to go to school. things turned out great. he might decide to be an officer later but no doors were closed for him. he is where he wants to be and we aer very happy. i have my beautiful daughter and now we are even expecting another. doors aren’t closed you just have to work a bit hader to acheive your goals.
goodluck and don’t do anything you’ll regret.
if your wondering we thought about adoption but decided after the ultrasound that we loved the baby and couldn’t give her up. i’m glad….shes my world. no matter what happens in life she’ll always be my daughter and shes precious and amzing. if you want yours keep it….it’ll make things a bit harder..some months will be rocky, but you can do it if you want it. things smooth out. if you wanna chat my email is xxxkuroi_tenshixxx@yahoo.com. my name is mandi.
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Drop it off at the fire department
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ask god what he wants you to do…if you dont believe in god..just close ur eyes and ask whatevers up there…be patient and listen..itll come when you least expect it…
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You are not being selfish at all. You sound like you’re responsible and yes, you are young. You do need to think about whether you will be able to afford the child though. You can always get food stamps, WIC, etc but there are still diapers and childcare to pay for. If you can afford it then do what your heart tells you to. But I’m 19 and had my son 2 weeks ago. My exbf (used to be my bf) told me he wanted me and the baby to both die because he wanted to party, buy a new truck, and other things. It’s up to you, if you want the baby, keep it. You both had sex and you took a chance and now you’re pregnant. Your boyfriend is the selfish one. If he didn’t want to give up going to the military he should’ve thought about that and it doens’t mean he can’t still go into the military. It’s a decision you have to make, but don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t do what you planned to do before you had a baby because I finsihed my LPN and going on to do my RN and I’m single, working full-time, and live by myself with my son. And trust me, when you hold that baby in your arms, there’s nothing like the feeling that you will get. I never imagine how much you could love someone and now I know. I wouldn’t trade my son for anything and wouldn’t take him back. That’s the only good thing my exbf gave me was my son and he is my life, my world, and my everything! Good luck!
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I think he’s the one being selfish - if kids are going to ruin his life he should have thought about that before he got you pregnant. I won’t rant about protection to you - you know what you’ve done and that won’t help now. Don’t let him force you into giving away your child but at the same time you need to think about whether you can afford to give your child a good enough quality of life - if you can’t then it might be best for the baby if it were raised by someone else. You need to sit down and work out exactly what you need - not just money wise but how you’re going to organize childcare if you plan on finishing school. If you are sure you can manage then I wish you all the best but you really need to sit down and think long and hard. This won’t be an easy decision but don’t let your (very childish sounding) boyfriend push you either way.
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no, go with your heart, make sure its what you really want. And no matter what you decide, live your life with no regrets. He cant blame it on you, it takes two honey!!
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In a way, yes you are beign selfish. Nobody wants to have a baby at 16 especially when they have dreams and aspirations. You are right that you should have thought about this before you had sex but then again, there’s the argument that just b/c you have sex doesn’t mean you want to have a baby… Having sex is a natural thing. Humans have sex for pleasure, not just to reproduce and there are thousands of ADULTS out there who still want to have sex but don’t want to have a baby.
And yes, it is going to be hard to raise a baby at 16 and trust me, you’re going to be hating life when yoru baby daddy leaves and goes off to the military and your’e stuck by yourself taking care of this baby and now you’re in a position where you can’t finish school or go to college becasue you’re tied down.
Trust me. Adoption is always the best option for a teenager who gets pregnant no matter what anyoen else says. I’m 22 and have a baby and I’m married and it’s hard enough as it is. i coudl have never handled this at 16 and without the father in our lives. My son was an unplanned surprise but now I have put my life on hold. I have to stay at home with the baby while my husband finishes school so that we can afford to put our son in daycare so that I can finish school myself.
I’m not saying a baby ruins your life but it definitely can delay or even ruin your dreams.
And do you realize how much time and money a baby takes? If you do keep it you obviously will love your baby no matter what but don’t think you won’t have moments when you wish you made a different desicion because trust me, you will. You will think about it ALL the time. Anyoen who says you won’t is lying.
You can’t do anything for yourself or by yourself and you might say that doesn’t matter and you dont’ care but you will… trust me, you will. I like to go tanning to relax and guess what, I havn’t been able to go since I had my son because there’s nobody aroudn to babysit him. When my friends want to hang out with me I have a baby with me at all times. You can’t just get up and go with a baby. And at 16 there are so many things you are going to want to do now and in the next few years and you’re going to seriously regret having a baby.
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I think he is being very selfish…Adoption is OK for the kid but it’s going to hurt you badly, even more in the future, that kid is YOUR kid and it’s your boyfriend’s responsibility to look after it, he should be worrying about you, not himself. You will need your parent’s support, life will be hard if you keep your kid, but that baby is going to love you no matter what, and you’ll become a strong woman through it. he can still go through college and everything but he’s going to have to be a decent human instead of going out every night and getting stoned. good luck
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Ok, "Sin"…what a pathetic answer! Now I must ask why you’d be having sex at 16, even worse - unprotected sex! You could collect welfare I guess but you’ll just be a burden to the system. Definitely don’t "get rid" of your child - he/she has a right to know the biological parents! Why are girls getting pregnant so young these days? This is a child we’re talking about…not some piece of garbage (like his/her mother) that you can just throw away! One day, you’ll have A LOT of explaining to do. I don’t mean to sound harsh but you made a stupid decision so deal with the consequences! Sorry, but I have no sympathy for you…AT ALL!
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I’m 18…definitely not ready for children!
Hi. I think you sound very mature- you’re taking responsibility, and you’re thinking through your options.
With that said… Yes, he can still go into the military. In fact, if you guys get married beforehand, he’ll actually get extra pay for you and the baby (it’s not a whole lot, but it is some). I don’t think that this baby will ruin your boyfriend’s life. Honestly, it’ll be harder on you than it is on him, especially with him in the military.
I don’t want to sound mean… but if you guys broke up, would you still want the baby? If you gave him or her up for adoption, and you break up, would you regret that? I know your boyfriend is important to you, but if the relationship doesn’t work out, you have to figure out what you’d want to do.
In the end, it is your decision. I doubt that I could give my child away, but if it was best for him or her, I’d like to think that I could. You could do an "open" adoption, if you wanted- than you’d be allowed visits a few times a year, and get pictures, send birthday cards, etc. Otherwise, if you guys can make this work, and if you’re determined, you wouldn’t be the first girl your age to raise a child. I wish you both the best of luck.
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This is something only YOU can decide.
As I see it, it’s your bf who is being selfish…but then again, his response is also natural. If you feel that keeping the baby would be the best thing, then don’t let him talk you out of that because you may end up regretting it. Having a baby isn’t the end of the world or life. You can still do things and have a great and successful future with a baby. It’ll be more challenging but you can still do it. You have to decide what’s more important to you and make your decision based on that. From here on out, you’ll have to do what’s best for you and your baby so remember that.
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Adoption is a good choice however you need to understand that a lot of babies don’t get adopted. For one, the adoption process for perspective parents is very difficult to pass and afford. For another if there is anything at all wrong with the baby most adoptive parents will choose to adopt a less burdensome child. And the people who you give your child up for adoption to will not tell you if there was a problem with it being adopted. You will assume someone is raising it and it’s doing well. In all likelihood it may be in foster care and not with it’s permanent family.
I think raising a child on your own would be difficult at this age. You will not be able to achieve a lot of your life plans and goals because your responsibilities are to your child and not to what you want anymore.
This is a very difficult decision for you to make. I hope you arrive at one you are able to live with. Good luck.
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Dump the boyfriend, and raise your child, HE is being selfish for trying to force you into making that decision, it isnt HIS decision to give it up for adoption or not, its yours.
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Your not being selfish, he is. If you don’t feel that you can give this baby up, than you have a couple questions to ask yourself! First off, when the baby gets here, do you have the resources and support to take care of the child? You need to know that you can offer the child enough support that he or she is going to need, provided you are but a child yourself. It can be done, it has been done, and I know it sounds like you can do it. You are going to need a support system though, family or close adult friends of your own that are willing to help you threw this. If you love this child already, than I know you want to offer the child the best start at life that he or she can have, and sometimes that does require allowing another family to raise it, and it’s a hard hard hard decision to make, and not one to be taken lightly. Your boyfriend, he made the decision to act irresponsibly, and personally if I was you, I would leave him out of the decision you make right now. Yes it is going to take a toll on his dreams but that’s something he should have thought of, and if you think you can raise this child, then he’s going to have to live with the fact. This child is more important than his "dreams".
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Your name says baby girl? So you already know what it is? You cant have an abortion anyways. At least not if you already know the sex. I would keep your baby, he helped you make it and he should be responsible. How do you know if in the long run you have a baby by him again and he doesn’t want the 2nd one either? I understand that you don’t want it to be a burden but once the baby gets here and he sees it and holds it he will feel so overwhelmed and will be glad you kept it. Its an amazing feeling. I think that it will be too hard to see your baby and then give it up, I wouldn’t be able to do it. I think that you are making the right choice wanting to keep your baby and I would tell him the hell with you. He will come around! And next time he tells you you are being selfish tell him he is because that’s HIS child he should be so proud of himself. I wouldn’t put it up for adoption because what if this is the only baby you will ever have? Good Luck and I hope this helped!
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Mommy of 3 month old Aaliyah Mae
It’s YOUR decision, the two of you decided to have sex knowing this was a possible outcome it’s far to late for him to say you are being selfish, if anything you are being selfless by trying to take on the huge task of becoming a teenage mother. If you have your family’s support I say go for it it will be the best decision you will ever make to keep your baby! If he doesn’t want to be involved and you don’t need the monetary support you don’t have to put him on the birth certificate that way he can go on like nothing ever happened if that is what he chooses. If your home life is not great and you don’t think you have the support or means to raise a child then you should strongly consider adoption because in some cases it is the only responsible decision I suggest you talk to your family about it and perhaps even a youth counselor so they can help you see all sides of the situation before you make a completely life changing decision, Good luck!!!
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First of all…You are very responsible for not having an abortion! I thank u for thinking about ur unborn baby, second, if u think there is a possibility that u cant raise a baby adoption is a good idea, The best place for a baby to be is with the birth parents, but it would be a very mature and thoughtful thing if u gave the baby up for adoption..In the end the choice is urs but make sure that if u give the baby up for adoption that thats truely what u want, becuase theres no turning back after u make that decision.. I was 17 when I got pregnant with my daughter and I decided to keep her. Im so glad that I made the decision that I did…Good Luck!
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Mommy of 3 girls
KEEP HIM
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I’m not going to lie to you being a parent is a 24-7 full time job, and when you can only make minumum wage and try and support a child it makes it about a billion times harder. Whether he wants this child or not it is up to you what to do. Of course your bf wants to go off and live life, but part of that life will be his child and I am sorry to have to tell you this but either way you go with this you two will never be the same again.
If you keep the baby you will struggle to support the baby, and have to put your life on hold for a bit and you will resent your bf for not helping you more. If you give the baby up then you will resent the bf for loosing your child. Your bf will be in the doghouse no matter what you decide.
Ask yourself this…..are you sure you can give your baby a better life than an adoptive couple? If you have the means to give him/her all your ove and support and buy diapers and formula, and clothes and toys…etc. then fine, keep your baby. But if I may suggest, go by an adoption company office and just see what they have to say. How do they screen their parents, ask if you can read through one of their books on hopeful parents…some of these people have been trying for baby for years and years, and they are unable to have children. Some of these people would treat your child like they were a prince or princess, your child would never want for anything.
Just look at both options before you decide.
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Wow he is being selfish for pinning this whole thing on you, remind him that it takes 2 people to make a baby. And remind him that it wont ruin his hopes and dreams but hopefully enhance them. Give him something else to live for besides himself. He can still go into the military and you can still raise the child, hopefully you have your parents and friends there for help and support. Kids are having babies at the ages of 12 and 13, if they can do it so can you, you just have to have the strength. Ask him if he is really going to want some strange person 15 years from now knocking on your saying "hey, im your kid, why didnt you want me? you selfish bastard!"
There is alot to think about when considering adoption, just imagine if his parents just told him that he is adopted. And remind him that its not only HIS life thats going to be changing, YOURS is too.
Trust me girl, KEEP THE BABY. Even if you have to raise it on your own cuz he wants to be a deadbeat dad, everyone is going to praise you for being such a strong woman and mother, and even though he will be in the military people will still look down on him for bein a deadbeat dad.
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10 weeks prego :]
some of these people are being harsh…
I’ll tell you from my angle. I’m adopted, I was sealed-records (closed) adopted into a loving household but I have always felt out of place. I have always felt rejected and unloved, and like i wasn’t good enough for my mother if you choose to surrender your child make sure it is an OPEN adoption where the child will know you LOVE them.
But if you decide to ‘man up’ so to speak and keep your baby there are a lot of people and God will help you. A baby won’t hurt him getting into the military. If he does get into the military they make a huge deal about soldiers not taking care of their children. Keep in mind as much as you think he’s the one, if he’s not perfect for you and your child he’s not the one and there is someone else out there that is perfect for you!
I kept my daughter and we’re doing just fine
I’ll pray for you.
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Okay here we go
Having a baby is A LOT harder then most people think. At 16 it is even harder. However so is adoption. Here are some question for you. Are you living at home with parents? How do your parents handle extreme situations? Do you work? Are you living in a place that allows 16 year old to be on social assistance? Will you parents allow you to still live there with a baby (remember a screaming infant will affect more then just you) Are you willing to be a single parent? There are so many question you have to ask yourself. Almost all teenage parents break up because of unplanned pregnancies. Although you might love him now are you still going to feel the same when he is off in college with other girls and partying all the time? It’s not a simple as it might seem. If you both want to finnish school are you going to be able to afford childcare not only when you are at school but also when you are working>? If you are not going to work and just go on social assistance are you going to be able to afford child care, rent, food, and baby stuff all while going to school? This is your choice not the fathers but keep in mind if will effect him and everyone else around you too. Not only is there the problems to do with money but also a social problem too. Friends at first seem like they are excited with the idea however after the first month they will loose interest in coming around. When they all want to go out you wont be able to. It easy to say you will find a sitter but not always will there be one available. Also how often do teens like to go out with out much of a notice. Well then you have to pack everything you will need up (that is if it’s a place you can take the baby too) and be completely sure of where you are going so you wont mess up their naps and meals. There is so much you have to plan for it’s not even funny!
However adoption is also an extremely hard choice because that is emotionally difficult. Talk to your parents and go to a planned parenthood near you to ask more questions figure out everything and never down play it!
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I suppose your boyfriend should have thought of that when he decided it was okay to have sex.
No one can force you to be pregnant, and no one can force you to give up your child. Personally I think adoption is a wonderful choice, and a very selfless one. But if you want to keep your baby, that is your decision. I congratulate you for not considering an abortion.
I would do some research on adoption and really think it over. But either way, you’re right, it will be very hard. By the same token, he sees himself being forced into fatherhood by being financially responsible for the baby that he doesn’t want to keep. Still, though, he should have thought of that possibility beforehand.
Do you have a support system that can help you? Once the baby is born, then maybe both of you will be able to make a decision together. He might decide he wants to keep the baby, and you might decide to put the baby up for adoption.
Good luck to you.
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you’ll regret it forever if you do it against your will. he’ll either stay or go.
i got pregnant at 17. my husband bf at the time joined the military enlisted and they ae paying for him to go to school. things turned out great. he might decide to be an officer later but no doors were closed for him. he is where he wants to be and we aer very happy. i have my beautiful daughter and now we are even expecting another. doors aren’t closed you just have to work a bit hader to acheive your goals.
goodluck and don’t do anything you’ll regret.
if your wondering we thought about adoption but decided after the ultrasound that we loved the baby and couldn’t give her up. i’m glad….shes my world. no matter what happens in life she’ll always be my daughter and shes precious and amzing. if you want yours keep it….it’ll make things a bit harder..some months will be rocky, but you can do it if you want it. things smooth out. if you wanna chat my email is xxxkuroi_tenshixxx@yahoo.com. my name is mandi.
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let me just start off by sayin that im 31yrs old and was in your shoes. i had my son when i was 17 16 when i got pg. it was the scariest thing i ever had to face. like you i did not want to abort and i thought of knowing that i had a child living out there some where made me very sad what if i wanted to ever meet it or it wanted to meet me what would i say to it??? how would i justify my actions? anyways i did decide to keep him and it was tough i was single had to raise him alone work nights so my family could help me with day care because it was way to expensive to afford but we managed to get thru im sure if you have a supportive family and a strong support group you will do great!! its been almost 14 yrs and i am having trouble trying to conceive but i am glad i at least have him he is my life!!
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You are right..you could do it and still end up successful, however there will be difficult times. A baby is alot of work, needs alot of atttention, love and you are always on there schedule, meaning if there up all night then so are you. Your bf can still go to college and be in the military, and I dont think hes being fair to say that you are being selfish, and ruining his dreams. Your the one who has to take time out of school to have the baby. Its your baby to not just his, you have a say too. Also I’m not sure if you have family that can or will help you but if you do then that will be a big help for you so that you can finish school. And then theres always state assisstance that can help you with daycare for the child so you can finish school. I know nobody wants to go on assistance but don’t be ashamed to use assistance, to help you get back on your feet so you can graduate, and go to college yourself, and make a good life for you and your child.
If you do choose to go with adoption, there are people out there who cant have kids and would love to adopt and would love the child, and also you can have an open adoption where you can see the child and even be in that childs life. I’m not going to lie though it will be tough.
Good luck with the decision you make hun!
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Hello,
First start by saying YOU ARE NOT SELFISH!!! You have every reason to feel the way you do and it is only natural for you to feel love towards your baby. In saying that most guys will feel the way that they do given his age ( it does not mean he does not love his baby).
You are a teenager, a baby is a huge, huge, responsibility. It is staying up all night, feeding, burping, Doctor Appointments, when he is sick someone taking care of him. You life will change drastically. You cannot just pick up and go like you want to. You will want to go out with your friends, and you will want to go to college. That does not mean you cant do all these things it will just be harder. And given your age you still have a lot of life to live..
But on the flip side of this: My husband and I are in the process of adopting a little boy and I have to say he is my pride and joy and if it were not for his situation we would not be able to have a child. We are hoping to adopt another one really soon. Adoptions are a very noble thing. It does not mean it would not be hard for you. It is a beautiful gift. You have to think to your self what would I be given my baby, and what can I provide for my baby(given your age). I do not think it is by chance I stumbled upon your page. There is so much more I would love to say to you. You need to pray about the situation and do what is best for your baby. If you need to talk some more just keep posting. Your in my thoughts and prayers. You will make the right choice, it might not be easy though.
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U ARE SO FCKING DUMB AND PATHETIC HAVING SEX AT A YOUNG AGE AND NOW UR PREGNANT. THAT’S ON YOU, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO OPENED UR WHORE AZZ LEGS AND LAID ON UR BACK TO SOME GUY WHO UR NOT EVEN MARRIED TO!!!
DON’T U KNOW HOW TO RESPECT YOUR BODY? A LOT OF WHORES LIKE U DON’T KNOW HOW TO RESPECT THERE BODIES AT ALL, THAT’S WHY THEY LAY ON THEIR BACK AND OPEN THERE LEGS SO MUCH. U SHOULD’VE WAITED UNTIL U WERE MARRIED, HAD A JOB AND WERE MORE RESPONSIBLE TO TAKE CARE OF UR OWN RESPONSIBLILITY. U MAKE ME SICK, U REALLY DO!
U ARE STILL A LITTLE GIRL AND NOT EVEN GROWN, U MUST THINK U ARE BETTER THAN PEOPLE? I DON’T THINK SO LITTLE GIRL, UR NOT EVEN AN ADULT AND DON’T KNOW SH*T!
U JUST WANT ATTENTION LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE, DAMN HOW MORE DUMB CAN TEENAGERS GET??????? THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW. U DON’T THINK BEFORE U ACT, WELL U LAID ON UR BACK AND OPENED UR LEGS SO U WILL FACE THE CONSEQUENCES FOR IT, I’M NOT WISHING U LUCK AT ALL, U LITTLE STANK AZZ WHORE, I HOPE U DIE GIVING BIRTH, U UNGROWN LITTLE GIRL FCK OFF AND DIE
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