I put Jacob in his bed, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and then left to my room. I had so many emotions. I pulled the covers over my head and listened to the pounding rain. I began crying silently thinking about everything. I really like nick but then again i think after seeing joe again…I still might have a tinge of love for him. I mean…that summer, there was such a strong powerful connection I thought we would be together forever…but nothing works out the way you planned. Joe was my first true love and they never ever lose a place in your heart…and now that Joe is back in my life…I dont know what to do. And then the thing with my brother…its sad…knowing he could be shot or blown up any day. And he would so disapprove of me seeing any Jonas. So would my parents. I think it would be safest to stay with Nick…but what about my feelings for Joe. Im not going to be in a relationship and be in love with someone else…thats just wrong. Nick is the type of guy I can see with me and acts the perfect way and does the right things and makes me smile…I could see myself falling in love with him…but the fact that I already love Joe makes it all the more complicated. Joe makes you laugh when youre sad and he says the right things and knows how to treat a girl. He might have cheated on me, but that didnt change how I really felt about him. This is so difficult. Maybe Ill just ignore my feelings for Joe and finally move on with my life. But its easier said than done. Everyday I wake up to a crazy two year old who reminds me of every bit of Joe. I finally fell asleep. I woke up with tear stained cheeks. I took a shower and stayed in there a while…just thinking. I got out and got dressed. I threw my hair in a messy bun and then went downstairs…tomorrows Sunday…which means the next days Monday and I have to see Nick. I wish I could go out but noooo im grounded. Ugh my moms a P.I.T.A [[pain in the ass]]. I saw my dad in the Kitchen making coffee. Jacob was sitting at the kitchen table coloring. I went over and sat in front of him. Jacob: look minna, its us He drew a picture of him and me holding his hand. I smiled and rubbed his head Madison: that looks great buddy Jacob kept coloring and my dad poured me some coffee. I got up and put some apple juice in a sippie cup for Jacob and then sat back down. My dad looked at me for a second and then back at his waffles. Mdad: so hows school Madison: okay, I guess Mdad: okay? Madison: its hard, you know, without Erin What I really wanted to say is No its not okay because I just found out that the boy I like is brothers with the boy I love who got me knocked up and if you ever found out they were even a mile near me you would basically murder them. Mdad: be back Madison: dont be so sure Jacob: minna, look I added Erin Jacob shoved his picture in my face…and there he was. Erin standing there with me and Jacob…we all looked dysfunctional but it was still cute Madison:[laughs] that looks great, do you want me to hang it in your room Jacob: yah! He got all excited and started spazzing. I calmed him down. Madison: okay but first you need to go clean up and get dressed, okay, go upstairs and Ill be right there to help you with your bath Jacob: okay He ran up the stairs with his picture in his hand. I laughed and then looked back at my dad whose face intrigued me. Madison: what? Dad: you act as if nothing is wrong with this picture Madison: hes two; he doesnt have a very steady hand Dad: I mean this picture as in you parenting him. It looks bad…an 18 year old doing something like that Madison: its not my fault you wont take care of him…so someone has to Dad: its not my fault you got pregnant in the first place Here we go again. Another stupid talk/argument. Ugh! This happens like once a month and I guess its that time a month…I would much rather have my other monthly visitor than this one. Madison: not again dad, it was a mistake! Dad: yah a permanent one Madison: you think I dont know that! At least Im responsible for my actions and I can take care of and support him Dad: thats not the point; you should be focused on getting into college Madison: I am! Im an A, B, student, Jacob isnt that huge of a distraction if anything its… I almost let it slip. I was about to say Jonas but I kept it in my mouth. My dad gave me a puzzled look. He studied my face for a second and then sighed Dad: what are you hiding? As if my eyes were open doors. I can never keep a secret from my parents…there like stalkers or something! Madison: what are you talking about? ———- *gasp*

Duration : 0:3:10

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