“Doctor, check me to see if am still a virgin!”
It was a busy summer afternoon when Karen, a young woman, walked in asking me to check to see if she had lost her virginity to a man she did not want to marry. Karen said that if she were still a virgin, she would “dump the loser.”
As I began to examine her, I said, “I am using a small speculum in case you’re still a virgin.” I checked her carefully for venereal warts, Trichomonas vaginalis, Chlamydia and Gonorrhea. There was no evidence of infection and the cervix wet mount revealed no inflammatory or transformed white blood cells. A pregnancy test was negative. Blood tests were negative for syphilis and HIV.
Later, when all turned out negative, I said to Karen: “You’re still a virgin.” Karen felt so relieved that she couldn’t thank me enough times for the good news. She went on with her life and married a nice man and had two kids.
In another case, a young woman, Martha, was having panic attacks. She was conflicted since she was about to marry and feared that her fiancé might get upset if he found out that she was not a virgin. Her fiancé expected blood on the sheets during coitus as proof of her virginity. If he saw no blood, what? Would he return his wife to her family as if she were a material object?
Martha and I worked it out. After ruling out a sexually transmitted disease, I put her on specific birth control pills and I timed it so that she would experience withdrawal bleeding during her honeymoon. It worked; there was coital blood during the honeymoon. The biggest struggle that Martha was to confront was her fiancé’s mother. The mother did not want to release her son to his wife as appropriate.
I do understand why so many mothers do not want to release their sons to their wives and grandkids. Many women have to put up with their husbands, eternally it seems, so as to keep their families together. Besides working outside the home, many mothers most often struggle to raise their kids alone. The fathers are frequently not very helpful or become couch potatoes. What’s worst is when husbands compete with their kids for their wife’s attention. I should add that I have known many good men and husbands.
The empty nest syndrome is real and painful for mothers once their kids marry or move away. I encourage mothers to let go of their grown kids, not to develop the “I am sick syndrome,” and to develop a new perspective on life. I encourage young mothers to plan on the inevitable and to accept that their kids are only borrowed and must one day go on with their lives.
Doctors must adjust to cultural needs or beliefs if appropriate. One day, as the Medical Director at the Walla Walla Health Clinic, I was called to intermediate a medical conflict between a young woman and a doctor. The young woman wanted birth control pills (BCP) before her Catholic wedding but did not want to be examined. The doctor mandated such an exam before prescribing the BCPs. The young woman felt that the pelvic exam would violate the sanctity of her virginity. After getting a good medical history, performing a superficial physical and checking her urine for any evidence of disease or transformed white blood cells, I prescribed her the BCPs. A few months after her wedding, she returned for the Pap smear.
A man is not marrying a woman’s vagina. He is marrying her soul. In addition, many women do not bleed the first time they have coitus. A woman may be dating the wrong man if he asks: “Are you a virgin?”
(Important note: Healthcare costs are causing a massive loss of American jobs! We need healthcare reform now. The drug and insurance companies want to maintain the status quo so as to keep so much of what is so precious to all of us: Healthcare Dollars.)
Luis Lomeli MD/Beta Project
Duration : 0:4:44
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